facebook status updates from 2014

Tonight's dinner conversation:

C:"I wish I could see the tooth fairy! I want to know what she looks like!"
B:"I think she has a big, poofy dress with lots of rainbow colors all over it!"
Me:"I think she has a bright blue dress with yellow sparkles all over it so that when the light hits it, she shines like a star!"
C:"I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! I think she has a blue dress with a tooth crown and a tooth bracelet! And I think she has six sparkly wands so that when one breaks, she has another one she can use to change toothes into money with!"

Daddy:"I think she wears pants, a sweater and a windbreaker cuz all that flying at night must be COOOOLD!!!"

Both kids with stunned looks on their faces, "HUH???"

Priceless!!!

Tonight's dinner conversation:

B: "We should set up a lemonade stand when its sunny again!"
C:"YEAH!! YEAH!!! YEAH!!!"
Me: "I think it will be a while before its warm enough for that."
B: "We can sell lemonade for $10!!!"
Me: "Holy smokes! Good luck with that!"
B: "Ok, Ok! We can sell it for $1 and then we can sell veggies to go with it!"
Me: "Veggies????"
B: "Yeah!! Because we have SO MANY of them!!!!!!"

C: "What's that DISSSSS GUSTING smell?"
Me: "That's the lasagna that I've slaved away over THE ENTIRE DAY!!!"

And in other news....5 year old for sale! A real treasure to have in your company...especially at dinner time!!!

B:"Mommy! I can count by 50's! I'm really smart!"
Me: "Ok, show me!"
B: "50-100. SEE????"
Me: "Wow! That's tricky 

C: "Mommy, what date is next year?"
Me: "2015"
C:"No! Next year!! What date is it???"
Me: "2 thousand fifteen!"
C: A little more angry now..."NO!!! NEXT YEAR!!! WHAT DATE IS IT NEXT YEAR?????"
Me: "2 THOUSAND AND FIFTEEN! I don't know what you're asking me!!"
C: "Next year!!! I want to know what date it is NEXT...YEAR!!!!"
Me: "Well, if it's 2014 this year, then next year it will be 2015."
C: Sigh. "No, mommy! The year after today! What date is it the year after today???"
Me: "You mean tomorrow?? It's April 1st!"
C: "Oh. Right! Sorry, I outsmarted you, mommy!"
Me: "Yeah, you sure outsmarted me!!!"

C: "I DREW A FOREHEAD!!!!!!"

Anyone ever have a pet frog? I mean of the big bullfrog variety that don't live mostly in water?

Ok, you can stop laughing now...

Are they a lot of work?? Could a five year old take care of one?

Yeah, I'm actually serious....please stop laughing!

He's asked for a pet cow, dog, cat, bird and farmer in the past. The frog actually seems possibly doable?? Comparatively speaking, of course. And none of us have allergies that we can blame for not getting one.

Thoughts?

further to the frog...I told him if he got a frog, he'd have to do all the things I do for him for the frog...."Like what, mommy? What do you do for me, mommy?"

"Well, I feed you, make sure your clothes are clean, make sure you have a clean bed to sleep in, I take you to all kinds of activities, I teach you the alphabet, I bathe you, read you stories at night, etc."

He says, "Mommy...Frogs don't wear clothes!!! that's silly! And they don't need to learn their alphabet but I bet they like pictures so he could read stories with me! And I don't think they play lacrosse so you wouldn't have to sign him up for activities but we could take him to the track and he could ride around the track with me!"

Which led into a long discussion of the type of "seat" the frog would need on his bike so he could ride around the track with him. Do you think there's a market for frog bike seats? I'm wondering if we should patent the idea smile emoticon

And in the spirit of everything being a teachable moment....frogs are an excellent subject for rhyming words... We've put a lot of thought into this frog, that lives on a log that's found in a bog who wears clogs, plays with cogs, writes blogs and has a dog and hog as best friends!

C: "so, mommy, Can we talk about my frog, please? I want a baby frog that jumps and a trampoline for it to practice it's exercises on."

Me: in head thinking, dammit! He's still on about the frog!!
"Oh yeah? Why do you want a frog so bad?"

C:"because I want it to teach me how to bounce REALLY high!"

Not getting out of this one anytime soon.....

I got to see Chris Hadfield speak today. I repeat....I GOT TO SEE CHRIS HADFIELD SPEAK TODAY!!!!!!

I almost cried....

Told the kids in my class to put their Walkmans away...

They looked all around them and then looked at me with a "huh?" look on their faces.

So, I looked around me and said, "Yo, peeps! OH EM GEE!!Hashtag! trash the iPods, yo! Word up!! LOL!!"

PHEWF! Good save, Rotzien!

C: "Mommy!! MOMMY!!! There's a FLY!! A FLY!!!!!!!!!!! IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!! See???? I told you I needed a frog!!!!"

B: "Frogs don't breathe under water, mommy!! Only Totem Poles breath under water!!"
Me: "I think you mean tadpoles, buddy!"
B: "Tadpoles???? hahahaha!! That's such a silly word, mommy! Did you make it up??? No, I mean TOTEM POLES breathe under water!!!"
Me: "Ok, whatever you say, buddy! You're obviously smarter than me!"
B: "Yeah, I am, mommy! Sorry

C: "My froggies can't come out of water. I want a bunny so I can learn how to hop!"

Damn you Easter and your impeccable timing!!!

Me: "Hey! That's for sucking NOT blowing!!!"

Yep, I totally just said that!

So my kid has missed 2 days of school in the past 2 years. Today, I suggested he break his perfect attendance record for this year to get some rest and hopefully help his cough get better.
Numerous bribes and negotiations then insued....and at the end, I only managed to convince him to miss part of the morning! He flat out refused to miss the whole day!

I'd say that's a good problem to have

C:"what's 0 + 0?"
B:"0"
C:"what's 0 x 0?"
B:"0"
C:"what's 100 x 0?"
B:"0!"
C:"what's 100 - 100?"
B:"0!"
C:"what's a snot ball plus a paint bucket plus a train?"
B:"6!!"

Me:?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Came home to find gum on my purse! I DON'T CHEW GUM!!!! GRRRRR!!!!!!
So I googled "how to remove gum from purse". It told me to put peanut butter on it and scrape it off.

So then I, of course, had to google "how to remove peanut butter from purse". It told me I was a freaking idiot because WTF was I putting peanut butter on my purse for anyway????

Thanks for nothing Google!!!

Just started teaching sex ed...

Anyone know the effectiveness of spray on condoms? One of my students wants to know.

In other news, remember your teacher saying there was no such thing as a stupid question???

C:"Mommy, where did you have your picnic yesterday?"
Me: "I didn't have a picnic yesterday?"
C:"Yeah, you did! When we went to my friends house, you went to picnic!"
Me: "No, honey. I went to PICKET!"
C: "Pick what?"
Me: "Picket! I was on strike!"
C: "Pick what, mommy?"
Me: "Look! A bird!"

My kid raced his first full track race today!

He came in second place with the 6 and under racers.
Only problem is...he was racing with the 5 and unders!

He got distracted by the race coming in after him and decided to watch it to see what happened...probably thought it was pretty cool being right in the heart of the action smile emoticon

It was pretty awesome

Hiding in the kitchen while my kid sings a song in the living room all by himself. He then came in the kitchen and said, "Mommy, Did you hear the song I made up? I was singing it to my frog so that he can start his day happy!"
"You know what, buddy? It started off my day happy so I bet your frog is happy, too!"
Seriously adorable!

"Why is your brother crying?"
"Because I bit his butt."
"WHAT?? Why did you bite his butt?"
"Because he said his bike pants were better than mine because they have padding in the back...But, I guess his pants don't have padding in the back after all..."

Bummer the kid is bawling but that's kinda funny

Me:"hurry up and get dressed boys! Time just snuck up on me!"
C:"I didn't know there was a time ninja, mommy!"

My kid was the only boy at a grade 3 GIRLS birthday party today!! He's only in grade 1!!

He's sure got something figured out

I watched my kids put their clothes away today. One carefully placed his clothes in the correct drawer taking his time to do it neatly. The other chucked his clothes randomly all over the place without really caring where they went.
That alone pretty much describes their personalities to a tee!

My kid has this really lame little dog that he carries around everywhere...I'm not sure who he gets that from?? smile emoticon He calls it Super Dog.
So today, I gave him the equally lame dog that I had since I was 3. It's the ONLY thing I've saved from my childhood. I named him Sandy.
He was so excited! The first thing he did was say, "Superdog. This is Sandy. Sandy, this is Superdog. It's nice to meet you!"

Hahaha! I've trained him well smile emoticon

Took my kid for a bike ride through the trails near our house today. The whole time I was thinking, "man! This is awesome! I finally get to DO something with my kid rather than just WATCH him do something!"
Then the whining started and the declarations of "I want to go home! Are we done yet?"
And then he said the dreaded, "this is boring!"
So we went home.
Did you hear that?? That's the sound of my bubble bursting frown emoticon

We lasted an hour and a half, though...so there's that!

My kid had his last day of daycare today! Lots of "I miss you's!" after 4 years there. Sniff sniff frown emoticon

In other news, I now have to entertain my kids every. Single. Day this summer!! Hold me!!!!

My 5 year old and I had a heart to heart today. I told him I was serving my 72 hours strike notice if his attitude didn't change.

Sadly, he understood what that meant.

Luckily, he understood what that meant.

He's been good as gold ever since

Dinner time tonight:
C:"I don't like dinner!"
Me:"don't eat it then."
C:"I want chips!"
Me:"you're not getting anything until you eat your dinner."
C:"I. DONT. LIKE. DINNER!!!!!!!"
Me:"don't eat it then."
So B writes him a note: "eat yer dinr!" it says.

After about 20 more minutes of me not caring, he finally goes and eats his dinner. At which point he decides he wants to write me a note and asks, "mommy! How do you spell, "this is good!?"

I say, "I-t-o-l-d-y-o-u-s-o!"

B:"mommy, what's for dinner?"
Me:"I don't know. I kinda just made it up as I went along."
C:"I think you should call it Mommys Summer Vacation Pasta Surprise!"
Me:"what's the surprise?"
B:"that it's actually pretty good!"
Me:"gee thanks!"

Took my kids on our first solo fishing adventure today. Look up "Mayhem" in the dictionary! You'll see our picture there!

Me:"what country do you want to learn about tomorrow?"
C:"Antarctica!"
B:"yeah, Jakarta!"
Me: "wait, do you mean Antarctica or Jakarta?"
C:"yeah, Jakartica!"

Jeez!! All the countries in the world and they choose the two confusing ones!!! And yes, I realize that Jakarta isn't a country...

In other news, does anyone have an up to date map I can borrow? Costco was out today and the computer image just doesn't do the world justice.

I told my kids we were going to the Terry Fox Run this morning and they both instantly ran to their piggy banks and pulled out $2 each. I asked why $2 and B said, "Because Terry wanted everyone to donate $1. So I'll donate one for me and then one for someone else who can't afford to donate a dollar!" C said "Me too!!"

Best kids ever!!!!

So my kid wakes up this morning and says he's nervous about going to school. I ask why? He says, "because I'm worried the other kids will get me in trouble!"

Hahaha! I'm pretty sure he will do a decent job of that all by himself

School, Day one:

C:"some girls told me I was cute today but I'm too young for them!"

My parents picked my kids up from school yesterday. My mom said B got out early so he waited outside Cs classroom until the bell. When c saw him, he ran right up to him and gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek!
How freaking adorable are those kids???

I should mention, though, that this morning I woke up to screaming because C bit B and B kicked him in the nuts in retaliation....not always a bed or roses

Me: "All kids go to school, little man!"
C: in a totally teenage attitude voice..."NO!! Not ALL kids...DUH!!! Not kids in China or in the desert don't!!!!"

C: recess was boring today.
Me: how come?
C: because my friends wouldn't let me play with them.
Me: why not?
C: because they were playing chase and they didn't think I know how play chase but I like it when people chase me.
Me: well, who was doing the chasing?
C: all the girls.
Me: who were they chasing?
C: Don.
Me: why didn't you just start chasing them then?
C: duh, mommy! I wanted to be chased by the girls, too but Don wanted all the girls to himself!

OH GOD!

Overheard during lunch:
B: would you rather I die or just made a mess?
After much deliberation....c: I'd rather you just made a mess!
B: why? You don't want me to die?
C: After all the things you do for me, B? No! I DEFINITELY do NOT want you to die!
B: thanks! You're a good brother!
C: Not all the time....

<sigh> despite the slight morbidity of the conversation, being in the room at that exact time is what I'm grateful for this weekend

"Mooooommmeeeeeee!!! B pushed me into the toilet!!!!!"

I know you are all jealous....

My whole crew of testosterone is gone for the day. I know I should be disappointed about that but my leaping in the air heel kicks keep getting in the way....

The little devil was putting away his clothes tonight. He tripped on one end of the hamper and launched the other end of the hamper straight into his face.

I'm still laughing....we are going on 45 mins now!!

Im a terrible mom!!!

Santa:"what do you want for Christmas?"
C:"2 nerf guns so I can play with my brother and a grilled cheese sandwich, please!"

B:"why is that creepy lady on the top of our tree?"

Guess it's time for a new angel!!

Me:"you guys need to share your advent calendar. So one of you take the odd days and the other one take the eveñ days."
B: "ok, I'll take the equal days!"
C:"and I'll take the awwww days!"

Tonight's dinner conversation:

C: "How do I know if I'm a boy or a girl?"
Me: "Because you have a penis"
B: "What do you have?"
Me: "A vagina."
At which point, B stands up and declares, "YOU HAVE AN AWESOME VAGINA!!!!"
Me: "Wow, thanks, buddy!" (seriously had a hard time not busting a gut laughing!)
C: "What's arm in french?"
Me: "Bra"
C: "You have a pretty bra, mommy!"

I can't make that shit up!

The only word my kid remembers in french is Le phoque (seal) and he says it on repeat loop.
I'm thinking of adding the following to his repertoire, just for fun smile emoticon
Bonheur
Le Fac
Tabernak
Pissoir
Chag
Schmuck (yeah, it's German. What's your point?)

Despite stumbling home at 2am, I still remembered to move Chippy!!
Who's nominating me for mom of the year??

So my kid asked for his marble run from the attic today for about the 4th time this month. I finally decided to bite the bullet and just tell him what I did with it. I had heard of a kid with special needs that really liked marble runs but his mom couldn't afford it. Long story short, I made sure that kid got our marble run...about a month ago. The day after, my kid started asking for it. Oops!
After I told him the story of the kid I gave it to, he started crying. So I asked him why he was crying (fully expecting the "WHY DID YOU GIVE MY MARBLE RUN AWAY????" speech), and he said, "Because that kid needs the marble run more than me and I'm glad you gave it to him!"

And that my friends, just made my christmas! That kid has SUCH a big heart!

B's current assignment that he brought home:
"En 100 ans, je vais dormir beaucoup!"

Haha! That cracks me up!!

The kids caught Chippy eating a cookie this morning...at which point, C yelled, "Chippy! I hope you ate your veggies first!!!!"

Hahaha! Yep, those are my kids

Driving into school today,
C:"All I really want for Christmas, mommy, is for everyone to have a home!"

Sigh. Where did these kids come from?????

M:"when is Chippy going to tell the kids to behave better?"

Ahahaha! Even he believes in Chippy!! Oh ye who glared "FOR REAL, LAUREN???" daggers at me when he first touched him 3 years ago and sent him to Elf Hospital overnight!

My how things have changed.... smile emoticon

Tonights dinner conversation:
Me: "S'il fait neige, qu'est-ce que c'est tomber?"
B: "Le flocon de neige! My turn! Qui vole en le ciel, marche sur la maison et monte le chiminee en le 24 de decembre?"
Me: Say what?????????

Watching our fish mate today, C declares:"Cool! They're doing the Olympics!!!"

So I just watched Santa Paws with my kids. Here's the synopsis so I can save you an hour and a half of your life:
1) santa goes to NY with his magic dog
2) a whole series of bad events happen
3) A bunch of orphan girls full on cheesify some song and dance number
4) Both kids groan..."oh man!"
5) santa starts to get sick. His magic dog turns stuffed
6) C full on convulsive bawls and begs to turn off the movie
7) I make him see it out to the end
8) happy ending, kids get adopted, Santa and dog come back alive, all good
9) Cue C convulsive bawling over the happy ending

It was a totally obnoxious movie but kinda cute to see the little guys heart explode.
Coming soon: my synopsis of The Miracle on 34th street.

First thing C said to me this morning:
"I'm sad mommy."
Me:"why???? It's Christmas!!"
C:"I'm sad because Santa goes all the way around the world giving out presents and he doesn't get any for himself!"
Me:"well, he's just trying to show you that Christmas is about giving, not receiving. And besides, he gets cookies and milk and treats most of the time."
C:"not everywhere, though! Remember India??? And the Desert???"
Me:"Well, that would be too much sugar if he got them everywhere anyway!"

Yep! That's what I woke up to...

For Chippy's last day, he brought each kid a stuffie to cuddle that can send messages to Chippy when they miss him. He also brought "Magic Dream Dust" that he sprinkled around their room to take away their nightmares.
Chippy may have knocked that one out of the park!

Declared from the trenches, "COOL!!!! FLOSSERS!!!!"

Hahahaha!!

Merry Christmas everyone!

My living room has officially puked up every POKEMON card on the planet and a ton of cool science stuff. Note: zoomer puppy is a massive BUST!!!

One of my highlights from this holiday has been brought to you by: the Velveteen Rabbit...

So, I was at a baby shower for a friend of mine months ago and she got the Velveteen Rabbit. When I heard about the premise of the story (boy thinks his stuffed rabbit is real so the rabbit actually becomes real) I instantly thought of Little C. I then spent about a month trying to find the right version of the book for him. I found it in a used book store in Arixona. Hurray for theInternet.
So when he started getting sad about Chippy leaving, Chippy decided to give both kids a stuffy to cuddle and send messages to him with. Little C got a bunny, of course, and he is 100% convinced he's real. He even saw him move one time smile emoticon.
On Christmas Eve, Santa left him the Velveteen Rabbit with a note on the inside saying that the boy in the book reminded Santa of him.
after reading the book to him, he gave me a giant hug and said, "Mommy! He's right! I am just like the boy in the book!"
And no word of a lie, the bunny has not left his side since! He even feeds it!
He's a really adorable kid most of the time. MOST of the time....

facebook status highlights 2013

Woke up to 5 minute straight belly wrenching giggles coming from my sleeping kid last night! I wish I could have dreams like that



C:"mommy, I wish santa would bring me some magic dust so I could fly to the North Pole and see chippy!"

Me: "Hey buddy. Can you help me sort laundry?"
C: "Sure! I'll get my sword!!!"

C: "Mommy, I want to go to Bianca's house!"
Me: "Shes got a brand new baby brother. I think they're busy!"
C: "Busy doing what? Teaching the baby how to do handstands?"

C: "Farting makes daddy feel better. Did you notice that? I did!"

Me: "Did you have a fun party, buddy?"
C: "Yep!"
Me: "What was your favorite part?"
C: "You!"

*Swoon*

B: "Hey, C! Do you want to have a sword fight while we're peeing?? Look we just have to cross our pee...like this!"

Mommy, is it a perogy day today?
What's a perogy day?
You know, when b doesn't have school!
You mean a pro d day!!

"I'm sorry I didn'tget in the car fast enough. I stopped to listen to, the birds singing for a little bit."

"you know buddy, why don't we all stop and listen to the birds together

C:"mommy, I love you. Do you know why I love you? Because you tell me you love me all the time."
Me:" thanks dude!"
C: "and because you told me you like it when I hop everywhere

I told my kid he'd see pirates at Disneyland and he's terrified now of seeing Captain Hook! Then his brother told him there's a castle where dreams come true and now he's freaked out because he has lots of nightmares!! Man is he ever gonna be surprised!!!

B: "some people have darker skin than me. They must have forgotten to put on their sunscreen!"
Me: "actually, some people are just born a little different than you. You know how grandma and grandpa look a little different?"
B: "yeah, they ate too much sugar!!!"

B: "This kid at school says he gets everything he wants from his parents and I believe him. And when he hits someone and gets away with it, then that person will think it's ok to hit someone and then they'll hit someone else and they'll think it's ok to hit and then they'll think it's ok to hit and then all of a sudden the world will be filled with bad people."

"Mommy, you loved me a lot...until the baby came. And then you had to split it between me and the baby"
"Oh, dude! I love you both lots!!!!"

B: "I know what your special move is <C> It's Eagle Storm Flash!"
C: "Show me all you got, Pegasus!"

Is this a foreign language?

My kid went out of his way to pick flowers (well, dandelions...) for a girl at school today....*swoon*

C:"Mommy, how do giraffes kiss.?"

Me:"Gee, buddy. I never thought about it!"

C:"I think they do it like this <insert various sloppy sucking noises here>"

B:"Mommy, I can't wait until I can come to your school everyday!"

Me: "oh yeah? what do you think it will be like?"

B:"I'll just come to your class and give you hugs all day long!"

C: "When I grow up, I want to be a daddy!"
Me: "I'd like you to be a daddy, too

B:" so, mommy how will I find you when I'm at your school?"
Me: "what do you mean?"
B:"when I'm at your school, when I'm in grade 8, how will I find you to come give you hugs at recess? Will you be in your classroom?"
Me:"yep, I'll wait for you there!"
B:"I wish I were old enough to walk down the street myself. Because then I could come down at recess now and give you hugs."
Me:"that would be nice, wouldn't it!"
B:"mommy, don't tell daddy but I like you better!"
Me:"it's ok to like us both the same, buddy!"

C: "Mommy, why did you put eggs in my omellette?? I didn't want eggs in my omellette!! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

B: "When you're in kindergarten C <in 2 years>, when the bell rings, you can run out to the yellow slide and I'll find you there!"
C: "And if you're not there, I'll just play by myself until you come and find me."
B: "And if I'm not at the yellow slide, I'll wait for you at the blue slide!"

Doing math at the table, C comes up with, "What's 100 + a big giant jar of snot balls?"

Anyone know?

Me: " so C is in daycare today and its your special day to decide what you want to do. What did you feel like you missed out on all the time while you were in school?"

B: "Having fun with my brother..."

B " grandma and grandpa are having a garage sale!"

C "why are they selling their garage??"

B: "No!! Don't make me give you my candy bag!!! You'll lose it in the cupboard like you always do!!!"

Dang! They've figured me out!

C: "If veggies make me taller and meat makes me wider, what do I need to get skinny?"

Me: "Why do you want to get skinny?"

C: "So I can go behind your dresser and find things!"

Me: "How do you say firefighters in French?"
B: "Les pompiers!"
Me: "Police?"
B: "Les policier"
Me: "Baker?"
B: "Le chef"
Me: "Grocery store?"
B: "Le Thrifty Foods!"

B: I'm going to BMX tonight! I even know how to spell it!! B-M-X!!

He's a genius

"Mommy! I need a straight circle! Not a yogurt container! A straight circle that goes down!! Not a paper towel roll!! A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!! One that GOES DOWN!! Not a round lid! A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!! MOMMY!! I WANT A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!!!!! MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

ARGH!! Anyone have any ideas??? I'm stumped! Kinda reminds me of the flatbed dumptruck debauchle!!!

Just back from our second camping trip...favorite quote this trip?

B at 3am, just BEFORE discovering that his bed has completely deflated...

"Hey! Why do I keep falling off my bed??"

"Wait a sec....WHERE IS MY BED????"

It was awesome

B: "mommy, can you speak Japanese?"
Me: "a little?"
B: " what words do you know?"
Me: "umm, konichiwa, sayonara, maki, sushi, Inari, kappa, shoyu, ebi, sunumono, gomaee..."
C with big bright eyes, "WOW!! Thats a lot!!"

overheard on the drive to the party with B and his friend:

B: Do you know who's in the car in front of us?
T: No. Do you know who's in the car in front of us?
B: No. Why don't you know who's in the car in front of us?
T: Is that a joke?
B: No. This is a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the chicken food.

Cracks. Me. Up!

overhead on the drive home from a party with B and his friend:

T: Did you know that Carrie has 2 moms!
B: TWO MOMS??? Why does she have 2 moms?
T: I don't know! But it doesn't make any sense!
B: That DOESN'T make any sense!! Do they both live with her?
T: No, they live in different places. And she has a dad too!
B: What?? That doesn't make ANY sense!
T: I know!! It doesn't make any sense!!!

C got a bug catcher from a party today. After a thousand questions about how to catch bugs, what happens if he catches something that stings, etc. etc...he says,

"But, I don't speak 'BUG', mommy! Do you??"

C: "Sophia was really mean to my daycare teachers today!"

Me: "Oh no! What did she do??"

C: "She said NO!!! TWICE!!!"

Me: "What do you want to watch, buddy?"
C: "You can choose, mommy! As long as it starts with Toopy and Binoo!"

Fire truck! Free to a good home (Or bad one, we're not picky!) Comes with short circuited battery that sets off siren/horn at random intervals between the hours of 12am and 6am, increasing in frequency between 5am and 6am. Loud enough to be heard throughout the house even after being placed in the deepest, darkest pits of the basement with towels piled over top. Excellent for those that have no interest in sleeping or those who wish to lose their minds one "WeeeeeeeeOoooooooooo Honk Honk!" at a time.
Earplugs or sound proof room recommended.
Note: No OFF BUTTON!!!

Any takers??

C: "I know the planets, mommy! There's earth, Jupiter, the moon, Chris Hadfields planet, and Saturn!

My day, Post lost imaginary dog tantrum:

Me: "C, STOP!"
C: "NO!"
Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

Me: "insert any question here..."
C: "NO!!"

Enter desperate attempt to perk his spirits...

Me: "Here look at this picture of a pink fire truck!"
C: "Ooooh, wow!!!"
Me: "I know! Cool, right??"
B: "That's not pink. It's red with pink balloons!"
Me: "No, it's all pink. Cool, right?"
B: "No, mommy! It's red. It's not pink!"
Me: "I promise you, it's pink! Can't someone just agree with me on ONE DAMN THING today???"
B: "No! I'm sure it's red!"

Me = CLOCKED OUT!

Put the Tasmanian devil to bed at 6:45 tonight. Hopefully that helps tame the wild beast!

And we "made" a special bed beside his bed so that he can find the "dog" anytime in the middle of the night. GENIUS!!!

I hope.....

is thankful for my happy, healthy family... for all my old, new, and new/old friends that keep me sane...for flannel sheets, comfy shoes, crisp sunny days, trees that turn bright red in the fall, wine, the smell of mint, friendly dogs, every.single.thing about the BMX track...including all our friends there!, C's striking blue eyes, B's kind heart, any meal that I don't have to cook, housecleaners, cinnamon buns fresh out of the oven, Starbucks, big parking spots, LEGO, and students that behave in class.

I'm grateful to Leah Pells for always reminding me of the importance of spreading the love and telling people you care about them and Trina Munday for being cancer free and getting stronger each day! Thanks for reminding me to always live every day to the fullest and that being strong, compassionate and kind is true beauty!

Me: "Hey, B! Can you sound out this word?"
B: "K-R-A-F-T! KRAFT! What is Kraft?"
Me: "Good job! It's like the company that makes Kraft Dinner."
B: "Oh. It sounds kinda like CRAP, too!"
Me: "Well, yes, yes it is!!"

Trained Well. 

C: "mommy, what do you want for your birthday? A glass of milk? A new computer? An iPod? Or...I know!!! NEW TOMATOES!!!

C: "I know what you want for your birthday, mommy. A new BABY!!!"
B: "No, she wants high heels for daddy so he can be bigger than her!!!!"

Me: "I'm thinking of dying my hair, boys. What do you think?"
B: "You should die it green and blue, mommy! That would be cool!"
C: "NO! You should dye it the colors of the rainbow!!!!"

Any votes?

B: "when someone hurts you while they're not looking at you, that's an accident. But if they hurt you while they're looking you in the face, they are being mean."

When did he get so wise?

Saw this 4 1/2 year old having a fantastic arms flailing lying on the ground tantrum at superstore for about 45 MINUTES today over chicken strips!
And I thought, "Man! I feel for that kids mom!"
And then I thought, "Damn! He looks a lot like my kid!!!!"

There were 4 in the bed and the little one said, "I want the middle!!"
And the bigger one said, "NO, I WANT THE MIDDLE!"
And the biggest one snored himself into happy oblivion.
So the mommy got up to check her email and let them duke it out.
4:30am. 'Nuff said!

C: "Mommy, can I please have water in my special adult cup? You know, the one with the handle and Winnie the Pooh on it?"

Papa: "what do you want to be when you grow up? Maybe an engineer?"

C: "YEAH!! I want to be a Ninja-neer!!!"

C: "I want to kiss Sophia on the lips!"

Not sure if I should laugh or be scared about that??

C's current Christmas list:

- a bat...a real one!
- bat food to feed the bat
- an elephant...for you, mommy!
- and a dragon!! A little one that giggles when you tickle it's belly!

That's all I want, mommy!!

HELP????

Ten minutes after a meltdown ENDED:

Me: "You should be proud of yourself! You managed to calm yourself down without causing too much damage first!"

C: "I am proud of myself...but wait, I just have a little more...Blah blah blah blah...OK, I'm done now!"

If only it were that easy every time!!!

C: "Mommy, come see the movie that Jack has!"
Daddy: "What movie?"
C: "The movie that Jack Has"
Daddy: "Wait, what did you say?"
Me: "The movie that Jack has??"
Daddy: "Ohhhhh, JACK HAS!!! I thought he said something else. Carry on!"

B: "mommy, I think we should make healthy cookies for Santa this year. With all those kids he'll be visiting, that's A LOT of sugar! I don't want Santa getting Diabetes!"

C: "yeah, mommy, you should put that green stuff that gives us muscles in it, too! Santa can use muscles!"

Me: "somehow, I don't think Santa will like kale cookies, buddy, but we can definitely make them more healthy smile emoticon"

B: "but no skimping on the chocolate chips , ok, mommy??"

I've trained these boys well!!!

B: "Mommy, did you pay for those people to come do an assembly at our school today?"
Me: "Why do you ask, buddy?"
B: "Because I was going to thank you if you did."
Me: "Well, yes! Yes, I did! Did you like it?"
B: "Yeah, it was really good!"

FYI: I have no idea what he's talking about...but I'll take Thanks any way I can get them

B: "guess what Evan calls a penis? He calls if a WEINER!"
C: "he calls a penis a WEINER???"
B: "yeah! Isn't that weird?"
C: "what does he call a WEINER then??"
B: "he calls a PENIS a WEINER!"
C: "he calls a PENIS a WEINER and a WEINER a PENIS??? That's one weird hot dog!!!"

B: "Can I have more karaoke, please?"
Me: "More what?"
B: "More karaoke!"
Me: "What's that?"
B: "This stuff that we're having for dinner!"
Me: "Oh, you mean gnocci???"

B:"mommy, I keep telling Matthew not to be a chicken!"
Me:"well, that's not a very nice thing to say!"
B:"but he's a chicken, mommy! Like, all the time!!"
Me:"well, maybe you should ask him what he's scared of and encourage him to try something different."
B:"what?? You mean, I should tell him to be a cow instead of a chicken??"
Me:"I thought you said he was a chicken."
B:"yeah, a chicken! You know, like cluck cluck! All the time!"
Me:"umm , just ignore me!"

C: "Mommy! There's a squirrel in the soup!"
Me: "WHAAAAAT?????"
C: "There's a squirrel in the soup!"
Me: "What are you talking about???"
B:"His lego guy...he's just BORROWING the SUIT!"
Me: "Oh man! Next time, don't yell through the house. I can barely understand what you're saying!?!?"

My kids waited all month for this day...not because Santa is coming...but because they get to touch Chippy! Santa takes Chippy back to the North Pole with him today so he doesn't need his magic today. So Chippy has been mauled, hugged, sang to, played tag with, decorated cookies, taken to the park...pretty much every. single. thing the kids did today, Chippy did with them. As annoying as that little elf is, the magic he brings these kids is unrealsmile emoticon And luckily, when B noticed the tag with washing instructions on him this morning, the letters on the tag were CE! Obviously for Chippy Elf! Good thing mommy is a quick thinker!