facebook status highlights 2013

Woke up to 5 minute straight belly wrenching giggles coming from my sleeping kid last night! I wish I could have dreams like that



C:"mommy, I wish santa would bring me some magic dust so I could fly to the North Pole and see chippy!"

Me: "Hey buddy. Can you help me sort laundry?"
C: "Sure! I'll get my sword!!!"

C: "Mommy, I want to go to Bianca's house!"
Me: "Shes got a brand new baby brother. I think they're busy!"
C: "Busy doing what? Teaching the baby how to do handstands?"

C: "Farting makes daddy feel better. Did you notice that? I did!"

Me: "Did you have a fun party, buddy?"
C: "Yep!"
Me: "What was your favorite part?"
C: "You!"

*Swoon*

B: "Hey, C! Do you want to have a sword fight while we're peeing?? Look we just have to cross our pee...like this!"

Mommy, is it a perogy day today?
What's a perogy day?
You know, when b doesn't have school!
You mean a pro d day!!

"I'm sorry I didn'tget in the car fast enough. I stopped to listen to, the birds singing for a little bit."

"you know buddy, why don't we all stop and listen to the birds together

C:"mommy, I love you. Do you know why I love you? Because you tell me you love me all the time."
Me:" thanks dude!"
C: "and because you told me you like it when I hop everywhere

I told my kid he'd see pirates at Disneyland and he's terrified now of seeing Captain Hook! Then his brother told him there's a castle where dreams come true and now he's freaked out because he has lots of nightmares!! Man is he ever gonna be surprised!!!

B: "some people have darker skin than me. They must have forgotten to put on their sunscreen!"
Me: "actually, some people are just born a little different than you. You know how grandma and grandpa look a little different?"
B: "yeah, they ate too much sugar!!!"

B: "This kid at school says he gets everything he wants from his parents and I believe him. And when he hits someone and gets away with it, then that person will think it's ok to hit someone and then they'll hit someone else and they'll think it's ok to hit and then they'll think it's ok to hit and then all of a sudden the world will be filled with bad people."

"Mommy, you loved me a lot...until the baby came. And then you had to split it between me and the baby"
"Oh, dude! I love you both lots!!!!"

B: "I know what your special move is <C> It's Eagle Storm Flash!"
C: "Show me all you got, Pegasus!"

Is this a foreign language?

My kid went out of his way to pick flowers (well, dandelions...) for a girl at school today....*swoon*

C:"Mommy, how do giraffes kiss.?"

Me:"Gee, buddy. I never thought about it!"

C:"I think they do it like this <insert various sloppy sucking noises here>"

B:"Mommy, I can't wait until I can come to your school everyday!"

Me: "oh yeah? what do you think it will be like?"

B:"I'll just come to your class and give you hugs all day long!"

C: "When I grow up, I want to be a daddy!"
Me: "I'd like you to be a daddy, too

B:" so, mommy how will I find you when I'm at your school?"
Me: "what do you mean?"
B:"when I'm at your school, when I'm in grade 8, how will I find you to come give you hugs at recess? Will you be in your classroom?"
Me:"yep, I'll wait for you there!"
B:"I wish I were old enough to walk down the street myself. Because then I could come down at recess now and give you hugs."
Me:"that would be nice, wouldn't it!"
B:"mommy, don't tell daddy but I like you better!"
Me:"it's ok to like us both the same, buddy!"

C: "Mommy, why did you put eggs in my omellette?? I didn't want eggs in my omellette!! WAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

B: "When you're in kindergarten C <in 2 years>, when the bell rings, you can run out to the yellow slide and I'll find you there!"
C: "And if you're not there, I'll just play by myself until you come and find me."
B: "And if I'm not at the yellow slide, I'll wait for you at the blue slide!"

Doing math at the table, C comes up with, "What's 100 + a big giant jar of snot balls?"

Anyone know?

Me: " so C is in daycare today and its your special day to decide what you want to do. What did you feel like you missed out on all the time while you were in school?"

B: "Having fun with my brother..."

B " grandma and grandpa are having a garage sale!"

C "why are they selling their garage??"

B: "No!! Don't make me give you my candy bag!!! You'll lose it in the cupboard like you always do!!!"

Dang! They've figured me out!

C: "If veggies make me taller and meat makes me wider, what do I need to get skinny?"

Me: "Why do you want to get skinny?"

C: "So I can go behind your dresser and find things!"

Me: "How do you say firefighters in French?"
B: "Les pompiers!"
Me: "Police?"
B: "Les policier"
Me: "Baker?"
B: "Le chef"
Me: "Grocery store?"
B: "Le Thrifty Foods!"

B: I'm going to BMX tonight! I even know how to spell it!! B-M-X!!

He's a genius

"Mommy! I need a straight circle! Not a yogurt container! A straight circle that goes down!! Not a paper towel roll!! A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!! One that GOES DOWN!! Not a round lid! A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!! MOMMY!! I WANT A STRAIGHT CIRCLE!!!!! MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"

ARGH!! Anyone have any ideas??? I'm stumped! Kinda reminds me of the flatbed dumptruck debauchle!!!

Just back from our second camping trip...favorite quote this trip?

B at 3am, just BEFORE discovering that his bed has completely deflated...

"Hey! Why do I keep falling off my bed??"

"Wait a sec....WHERE IS MY BED????"

It was awesome

B: "mommy, can you speak Japanese?"
Me: "a little?"
B: " what words do you know?"
Me: "umm, konichiwa, sayonara, maki, sushi, Inari, kappa, shoyu, ebi, sunumono, gomaee..."
C with big bright eyes, "WOW!! Thats a lot!!"

overheard on the drive to the party with B and his friend:

B: Do you know who's in the car in front of us?
T: No. Do you know who's in the car in front of us?
B: No. Why don't you know who's in the car in front of us?
T: Is that a joke?
B: No. This is a joke. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the chicken food.

Cracks. Me. Up!

overhead on the drive home from a party with B and his friend:

T: Did you know that Carrie has 2 moms!
B: TWO MOMS??? Why does she have 2 moms?
T: I don't know! But it doesn't make any sense!
B: That DOESN'T make any sense!! Do they both live with her?
T: No, they live in different places. And she has a dad too!
B: What?? That doesn't make ANY sense!
T: I know!! It doesn't make any sense!!!

C got a bug catcher from a party today. After a thousand questions about how to catch bugs, what happens if he catches something that stings, etc. etc...he says,

"But, I don't speak 'BUG', mommy! Do you??"

C: "Sophia was really mean to my daycare teachers today!"

Me: "Oh no! What did she do??"

C: "She said NO!!! TWICE!!!"

Me: "What do you want to watch, buddy?"
C: "You can choose, mommy! As long as it starts with Toopy and Binoo!"

Fire truck! Free to a good home (Or bad one, we're not picky!) Comes with short circuited battery that sets off siren/horn at random intervals between the hours of 12am and 6am, increasing in frequency between 5am and 6am. Loud enough to be heard throughout the house even after being placed in the deepest, darkest pits of the basement with towels piled over top. Excellent for those that have no interest in sleeping or those who wish to lose their minds one "WeeeeeeeeOoooooooooo Honk Honk!" at a time.
Earplugs or sound proof room recommended.
Note: No OFF BUTTON!!!

Any takers??

C: "I know the planets, mommy! There's earth, Jupiter, the moon, Chris Hadfields planet, and Saturn!

My day, Post lost imaginary dog tantrum:

Me: "C, STOP!"
C: "NO!"
Wash, Rinse, Repeat!

Me: "insert any question here..."
C: "NO!!"

Enter desperate attempt to perk his spirits...

Me: "Here look at this picture of a pink fire truck!"
C: "Ooooh, wow!!!"
Me: "I know! Cool, right??"
B: "That's not pink. It's red with pink balloons!"
Me: "No, it's all pink. Cool, right?"
B: "No, mommy! It's red. It's not pink!"
Me: "I promise you, it's pink! Can't someone just agree with me on ONE DAMN THING today???"
B: "No! I'm sure it's red!"

Me = CLOCKED OUT!

Put the Tasmanian devil to bed at 6:45 tonight. Hopefully that helps tame the wild beast!

And we "made" a special bed beside his bed so that he can find the "dog" anytime in the middle of the night. GENIUS!!!

I hope.....

is thankful for my happy, healthy family... for all my old, new, and new/old friends that keep me sane...for flannel sheets, comfy shoes, crisp sunny days, trees that turn bright red in the fall, wine, the smell of mint, friendly dogs, every.single.thing about the BMX track...including all our friends there!, C's striking blue eyes, B's kind heart, any meal that I don't have to cook, housecleaners, cinnamon buns fresh out of the oven, Starbucks, big parking spots, LEGO, and students that behave in class.

I'm grateful to Leah Pells for always reminding me of the importance of spreading the love and telling people you care about them and Trina Munday for being cancer free and getting stronger each day! Thanks for reminding me to always live every day to the fullest and that being strong, compassionate and kind is true beauty!

Me: "Hey, B! Can you sound out this word?"
B: "K-R-A-F-T! KRAFT! What is Kraft?"
Me: "Good job! It's like the company that makes Kraft Dinner."
B: "Oh. It sounds kinda like CRAP, too!"
Me: "Well, yes, yes it is!!"

Trained Well. 

C: "mommy, what do you want for your birthday? A glass of milk? A new computer? An iPod? Or...I know!!! NEW TOMATOES!!!

C: "I know what you want for your birthday, mommy. A new BABY!!!"
B: "No, she wants high heels for daddy so he can be bigger than her!!!!"

Me: "I'm thinking of dying my hair, boys. What do you think?"
B: "You should die it green and blue, mommy! That would be cool!"
C: "NO! You should dye it the colors of the rainbow!!!!"

Any votes?

B: "when someone hurts you while they're not looking at you, that's an accident. But if they hurt you while they're looking you in the face, they are being mean."

When did he get so wise?

Saw this 4 1/2 year old having a fantastic arms flailing lying on the ground tantrum at superstore for about 45 MINUTES today over chicken strips!
And I thought, "Man! I feel for that kids mom!"
And then I thought, "Damn! He looks a lot like my kid!!!!"

There were 4 in the bed and the little one said, "I want the middle!!"
And the bigger one said, "NO, I WANT THE MIDDLE!"
And the biggest one snored himself into happy oblivion.
So the mommy got up to check her email and let them duke it out.
4:30am. 'Nuff said!

C: "Mommy, can I please have water in my special adult cup? You know, the one with the handle and Winnie the Pooh on it?"

Papa: "what do you want to be when you grow up? Maybe an engineer?"

C: "YEAH!! I want to be a Ninja-neer!!!"

C: "I want to kiss Sophia on the lips!"

Not sure if I should laugh or be scared about that??

C's current Christmas list:

- a bat...a real one!
- bat food to feed the bat
- an elephant...for you, mommy!
- and a dragon!! A little one that giggles when you tickle it's belly!

That's all I want, mommy!!

HELP????

Ten minutes after a meltdown ENDED:

Me: "You should be proud of yourself! You managed to calm yourself down without causing too much damage first!"

C: "I am proud of myself...but wait, I just have a little more...Blah blah blah blah...OK, I'm done now!"

If only it were that easy every time!!!

C: "Mommy, come see the movie that Jack has!"
Daddy: "What movie?"
C: "The movie that Jack Has"
Daddy: "Wait, what did you say?"
Me: "The movie that Jack has??"
Daddy: "Ohhhhh, JACK HAS!!! I thought he said something else. Carry on!"

B: "mommy, I think we should make healthy cookies for Santa this year. With all those kids he'll be visiting, that's A LOT of sugar! I don't want Santa getting Diabetes!"

C: "yeah, mommy, you should put that green stuff that gives us muscles in it, too! Santa can use muscles!"

Me: "somehow, I don't think Santa will like kale cookies, buddy, but we can definitely make them more healthy smile emoticon"

B: "but no skimping on the chocolate chips , ok, mommy??"

I've trained these boys well!!!

B: "Mommy, did you pay for those people to come do an assembly at our school today?"
Me: "Why do you ask, buddy?"
B: "Because I was going to thank you if you did."
Me: "Well, yes! Yes, I did! Did you like it?"
B: "Yeah, it was really good!"

FYI: I have no idea what he's talking about...but I'll take Thanks any way I can get them

B: "guess what Evan calls a penis? He calls if a WEINER!"
C: "he calls a penis a WEINER???"
B: "yeah! Isn't that weird?"
C: "what does he call a WEINER then??"
B: "he calls a PENIS a WEINER!"
C: "he calls a PENIS a WEINER and a WEINER a PENIS??? That's one weird hot dog!!!"

B: "Can I have more karaoke, please?"
Me: "More what?"
B: "More karaoke!"
Me: "What's that?"
B: "This stuff that we're having for dinner!"
Me: "Oh, you mean gnocci???"

B:"mommy, I keep telling Matthew not to be a chicken!"
Me:"well, that's not a very nice thing to say!"
B:"but he's a chicken, mommy! Like, all the time!!"
Me:"well, maybe you should ask him what he's scared of and encourage him to try something different."
B:"what?? You mean, I should tell him to be a cow instead of a chicken??"
Me:"I thought you said he was a chicken."
B:"yeah, a chicken! You know, like cluck cluck! All the time!"
Me:"umm , just ignore me!"

C: "Mommy! There's a squirrel in the soup!"
Me: "WHAAAAAT?????"
C: "There's a squirrel in the soup!"
Me: "What are you talking about???"
B:"His lego guy...he's just BORROWING the SUIT!"
Me: "Oh man! Next time, don't yell through the house. I can barely understand what you're saying!?!?"

My kids waited all month for this day...not because Santa is coming...but because they get to touch Chippy! Santa takes Chippy back to the North Pole with him today so he doesn't need his magic today. So Chippy has been mauled, hugged, sang to, played tag with, decorated cookies, taken to the park...pretty much every. single. thing the kids did today, Chippy did with them. As annoying as that little elf is, the magic he brings these kids is unrealsmile emoticon And luckily, when B noticed the tag with washing instructions on him this morning, the letters on the tag were CE! Obviously for Chippy Elf! Good thing mommy is a quick thinker!